


I Am Your Shepherd

by HuyanaShadowheart



Series: Bliss and Madness, Holiness and Sins [3]
Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: F/M, light mentions of previous abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 11:52:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14284350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HuyanaShadowheart/pseuds/HuyanaShadowheart
Summary: You settle into your new life with the help of Joseph and Faith. Specifically Joseph seems hell-bent on making you see that faith in him does not have to be accompanied by excruciating pain.





	I Am Your Shepherd

**Author's Note:**

> Alright. Next one. While I’m trying to figure out whether to stick with the sins of the Deputy in the game or not, have something else.

After John’s lapse of sanity – you didn’t know how else to describe it – Faith took you in. You had expected to be treated differently than the rest of Joseph’s flock (you groaned inwardly at your own word choice. They _were_ getting to your head). But you had not expected to be carried off to a remote cabin in Faith’s region where hardly anybody came to see you, apart from Joseph and Faith herself.

                When you had asked why you were being isolated, they had simply replied that it was ‘for your safety. And for the safety of the others.’ However, you knew, what they were really trying to do. Stripping away all and any contact you had to the outside world, the only contact they allowed you was with the most religious people of the cult. They were deliberately and tirelessly chipping away at your scepticism and the wall you were hiding behind.

                You didn’t talk much to either of them, yet there was one question you were dying to ask. So, the next time Joseph would be coming to you on his own, you would ask it.

                You sat on the porch of the little cabin and watched the sun rise, drenching the world around you in abundance of colours and chase away the grey darkness of the night. It was so quiet here, you had heard the car approach before it reached the top of the hill. You pretended not to see Joseph exit the car and walk towards the cabin.

                He stopped at the end of the steps to the porch, not sure whether to disturb you as you seemed to soak up the beauty of the land around you. You let him believe, you hadn’t noticed him for a little while longer.

                It always happened like this. Especially if you were outside when he approached. Apparently, he enjoyed watching you – even if you weren’t doing anything and just sitting on the damned porch. But this little game you played, soon became boring. Even more so today, since you had decided to finally ask him an important question.

                ‘You know, I heard the car approach almost a mile away. There is no need to just stand there and stare at me,’ you said, still not looking at him. But you moved to one side of the bench and made room for him.

                ‘It is quite peaceful out here. I didn’t want to disturb you as I didn’t know whether you would even be up yet,’ Joseph replied and you could so clearly hear the smile in his voice as if you were looking straight at him.

                ‘I am always awake when you come here, Joseph. You should know that by now.’ You refused to call him Father, the thought alone bringing back memories of your own blood relations and you could do very well without those for at least a day.

                He sighed and went to sit down beside you on the bench. You stole a glance in his general direction. ‘Did you at least sleep well last night?’

                You shook your head. ‘Nope. The nightmares won’t leave me alone at night. And it definitely is not beneficial to my mental health that I am locked away here, with only you and Faith for occasional company.’ Now you _were_ looking straight at him. Your face making it clear that you knew what he was doing and you hated it. Joseph averted his gaze for a moment, then when he looked at you again, he took your hand in his.

                ‘I am sorry –‘ He wanted to call you by your name, but you had never given it to him. The only thing he could go on, was your last name, but that was too formal in his eyes. And he was not going to call you Deputy either. You had left that life behind when you joined him.

                ‘It’s Y/N. But how would you know, since you had never asked?’ You got up, withdrew your hand from his and took a few steps back from him. ‘You are hiding me away from everybody else, telling me it is for my own good. But it’s not. I can’t sleep because my own head is trying to kill me. I can hardly think straight during the day, even when I’m not alone. You are not doing me a favour, Joseph. You are torturing me. And I can’t take it any longer. You are not doing this for anybody’s safety but your own. To make sure that I will not turn my back on you again, that I will not hurt you or anybody else. And I know, you are trying to get me to have faith. But in that department I need more time, and significantly more social contacts than you and Faith.’

                Joseph got up from the bench as well and stepped closer towards you, but not as close as you had been sitting on that bench. ‘I am sorry, _Y/N_. I know, this is hard for you. But I promise, it will be worth it. And if you want me to, I can stay here if you want.’

                You shook your head. ‘No. You have the rest of a congregation to think of. You can’t just hang out with me day and night. Even if I wouldn’t mind the company. But, we can sit out here for a little while and talk. Because I have one more question that I need to ask you.’

                ‘What is it?’ he asked and as the first time you met him, the piercing stare of his eyes behind the yellow sunglasses seemed understanding, as if he had experienced the same pain you had – or at least a similar one. ‘You know, you can come to me with your problems. I am your shepherd after all, your –‘

                You interrupted him. ‘Please don’t say father. I am not ready yet to hear that word come out of your mouth in connection to me.’ You took a deep breath. ‘What I actually wanted to ask was: how did you know? Did God show you my past or something? How did you know that I…’ Your voice broke. You weren’t able to say it, you had hid your past from everybody for so long, you weren’t ready to let go of the mantle of ignorance yet.

                ‘I saw it in your eyes. You are not the only who had a rough start in life. But you do not have to lead a rough life. If you trust in me and in God, which I hope, you will be able to in time, I promise, I will do everything I can to protect you from harm.’ He gave you a cautionary smile and extended his hand towards you. You hesitated. He had kept his word so far, had rescued you from John and kept you safe – if isolated from everybody else.

                ‘Given time, I might. I am not making any promises though,’ you replied.

                ‘I do not expect you to.’


End file.
